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# The Softer and Closer Approach
- URL: https://blog.helpforyourchild.com/softer-closer-approach/
- Published: 2018-11-05T13:23:40.000Z
- Updated: 2026-07-06T22:18:25.000Z
- Author: Dr. John Carosso
- Tags: School & Education, Parenting

#### Table of Contents

Show 

- [How it all began](https://blog.helpforyourchild.com/softer-closer-approach/#How%5Fit%5Fall%5Fbegan)
- [Repeat after me%E2%80%A6](https://blog.helpforyourchild.com/softer-closer-approach/#Repeat%5Fafter%5Fme%E2%80%A6)
- [Go get softer and closer](https://blog.helpforyourchild.com/softer-closer-approach/#Go%5Fget%5Fsofter%5Fand%5Fcloser)
- [Time-In](https://blog.helpforyourchild.com/softer-closer-approach/#Time-In)

Written by Dr. John Carosso

### How it all began

Many years ago, starting out as a Psychologist, I came across a Principal who established a ritual with his teachers. At the conclusion of every morning meeting, he would huddle the teachers together and lead a chant “softer and closer” repeated four to five times, before sending the teachers off to their students.

### Repeat after me…

I am hard pressed to contemplate a more significant or relevant mantra for teachers or parents. I have espoused the “softer and closer” approach since that time, and can think of no better way to connect with a child. Getting on the child’s level, moving-in close, and speaking in a soft tone, if not a whisper, is remarkably powerful, comforting, and bonding for a child in any situation, but especially when the child is experiencing a difficulty and needs supportive guidance.

### Go get softer and closer

Try it with your own child; rather than standing across the room and yelling, get close, soft, and comforting in tone, and see the difference.

### Time-In?

I’ve also espoused time-in rather than time-out. Of course, the latter is necessary at times, but far too often we neglect trying the former. Try it, the softer and closer approach, and see the difference.